8 - Sao Miguel, The Azores
"There is happiness, Past the blood and bruise, Past the curses and cries" - Taylor Swift (happiness)
April 2024
I spent my first week of the trip exploring Sao Miguel (Portugal), one of nine volcanic islands that make up the Azores. Here are a few highlights - shot on iPhone!
Legend has it that in the early 1400s, Portuguese explorer Diogo de Silves discovered the islands and named them after a bird of prey called the açor (northern goshawk), which he had seen flying overhead. I learned from a marine biologist during a whale watching tour that Silves and his crew made an error; they had mistaken the kite bird for an açor. Apparently, both have similar flight patterns. Still, the name had already been around long enough to stay for good.
Labels
I’ve been thinking about this origin story for a few days and some of its component parts - first impressions, assumptions, designations - and how they apply to my life. I’d say I’m pretty hasty in labeling people, places, and experiences based on initial encounters. From the mundane to the meaningful, some recent examples include:
People - A local Azorean shooed me away from a parking spot on his street even though it was a perfectly legal space to park. The locals here aren’t very friendly!
Music - The Tortured Poets Department (Taylor’s new double album) has so many songs (31!) and sounds a bit chaotic/messy. I can hear Jack Antonoff’s synths everywhere. I’m not sure if it’s on par with her other work.
Seasons of life - Going through separation and divorce was an unmitigated disaster, and there are no positive takeaways. My only souvenir is one hell of a wound.
I seldom make the effort to reevaluate these labels, so just like the Azores name, they can remain unchanged even if inaccurate. But could we add any substance, any richness to our lives if we challenged ourselves to reassess and reevaluate? Perhaps, we would:
Find more compassion within (maybe that local was having a bad day) and connect with people we didn’t immediately click with.
Spare ourselves unnecessary disappointment (after several listens, TTPD is meant to be chaotic/messy, and now I like it!).
Decrease the tendency to think in absolutes and/or catastrophize, which in turn should minimize self-induced suffering (divorce was undoubtedly terrible, but remember the silver linings).
So what’s preventing me from going through that process? I think it comes down to a few factors.
Lack of mindfulness - Most of the time, I’m cruising through each day on autopilot (e.g., wake up-eat-work-eat-gym-eat-sleep-repeat), which leads to…
Laziness - Isn’t it going to take a huge emotional toll to scrutinize long-held beliefs and potential prejudices? I don’t have time for that. I’d rather kick back, scroll through Instagram, and watch Netflix.
Fear of the unknown - What if I shake things up, and I don’t like where I land?
#1 and #2 are pretty straightforward. For #3, I think it’s best to elaborate with an anecdote. About a year and a half ago, I remember scribbling in my journal: “What if this divorce turns out to be one of the best things that ends up happening to me?”. At the time, putting that possibility from pen to paper was a coping mechanism - I was trying to speak it into existence. Still, as I crawled out of the initial stages of despair, a sense of fear also took root.
I was afraid of everything that would inevitably have to happen for that thought to have a chance of turning into reality. I was afraid of how I would change as a person. What if I didn’t like who I might become? Isn’t it easier to cling to what’s familiar?
Anyway, that’s where my mind wandered after the tour (btw, we found some Sei whales that were commuting through the Azores!).
I’m still in the thick of reassessing and reevaluating how this divorce is changing me, which is an interesting process to see unfold firsthand, to say the least. The hard part has been letting the developments and change happen naturally rather than resist. I’m sure future posts will touch on this topic in one way or another.
On to Morocco!
Such rich reflections, Leo! You make me want to start journaling again. Love it!