6.3 - Dear Reader: Cherish
"The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul." Psalm 23: 1-3
Dear Reader,
I’ve been looking forward to writing this third letter to you for some time now, and the anticipation has grown simply because I find myself with more to say as the days go on. You see, my message to you today centers around the silver linings that come out of our divorce, and these tend to reveal themselves more readily after we notice the first one. Think about the word search puzzles from our elementary school days - the initial word would be difficult to discover, but after you found it, the others seemingly popped out and became more apparent.
I want you to soak up these little glimmers of hope heading your way. They’re like rays of sunshine breaking through the storm clouds, casting away the shadows of the dark days, drying tears, and warming the soul. Someday, they may together merge into the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. Well, enough metaphors, here we go.
You know how you’ve gauged each day so far by the percentage of time that you feel, for lack of a better word, shitty (pardon my French) vs. the percentage that you feel ok? That split began at an unironic 99.99%/0.01%, but you’ve noticed gradual improvement. At some point, the ratio drops and stays below 50%/50%, and this is a cause for celebration. Physically and figuratively, you breathe easier now, and life’s worries seem to have shrunk in comparison with what you’ve gone through.
For a significant stretch, you’ve dutifully borne the weight of your marriage vows, symbolized by your reluctance to remove your wedding band. How do we reconcile our commitment and personal integrity while honoring our values and faith? Remember, you made a promise to God, too. As you know, we’ve asked ourselves this question countless times. I don’t yet have a complete answer for you, but I can tell you that a transformative moment is coming when you feel much of that burden disappear. And surprisingly, that moment arrives in the unlikeliest of settings - a Vegas nightclub. That particular night will become a core memory - tears of acceptance stream down your face as you dance with friends like no one’s watching. You’re uncertain if this newfound freedom you boogie to is really as euphoric as it feels, or if the depression you were in was simply a low hurdle to clear. Hey, even if the answer is the latter, we’ll take it.
Your perspective on freedom and marriage will continue to evolve. Some of your peers feel pressure to find a partner and start a family - a sentiment you’d likely share had you not already experienced marriage. Though you definitely still want kids of your own (maybe you’ll adopt!), the need and longing for another marriage diminish. You can find contentment where you are, and you’ll discover the ability to feel a bit of gratitude for your brief encounter with matrimony, despite its eventual breakdown. After all, not everyone gets to receive this blessing, so rather than focus on the pain, you stop solely crossing out the bad years and instead, you try to remember the beautiful moments.
These thoughts begin paving the way to some measure of inner peace and what you hope is a future without constraints. Soon, you’ll float like a feather in the wind, weightless and liberated. You’re free to embrace each day as it comes, to write your own narrative, and to seek happiness on your own new terms.
As we ride this emotional upswing, you’ll redirect your energies from one person to several other pursuits - spending quality time with family and friends, diving back into the arts (music, poetry, this blog!), and prioritizing exercise, to name a few. You’re particularly proud of yourself for exploring your creative side once again. From dusting off the violin during jam sessions with friends, to introspective late-night writing sessions, you find flow and fulfillment. Something deep within thanks you for this effort.
The last insight that I’ll let you in on - you know for certain that you are rapidly becoming a different person. It’s almost as if there’s a different filter or hue on the lens through which you view the world. You take yourself a little less seriously, and you approach your actions and relationships with more mindfulness and intentionality. You notice that you laugh and cry more easily. I don’t know if these are silver linings per se, but you like these changes.
Dear Reader
Burn all the files, desert all your past lives
And if you don’t recognize yourself
That means you did it right
We now arrive at the end of this series of messages, though the journey is just beginning for you. Instead of leaving you with advice, I’ll issue a challenge: cherish what comes your way. You’d think it would be easy to do with silver linings, but linger too long in the past, and those moments will pass you by. I’m optimistic that God will guide you to green pastures and quiet waters. Express appreciation to all who help you get there, including yourself, when you arrive.
As for whether we’ll meet again, I’m not sure. If we do, I hope it’s at a time when we can reflect on this chapter with gratitude. At that point, if we don’t recognize each other or ourselves, it means we took the right approach and landed exactly where we were supposed to, found exactly what we’re looking for. See you there.