3 - Beginnings and Endings

"It was the end of a decade, but the start of an age." - Taylor Swift (Long Live)

I quit my job last Friday. It was a really hard decision for many reasons, a bittersweet one, and marks the end of my 3.5 year stint in the Bay Area. And now, the culmination of this chapter of life has me musing on how it began.

This topic has been on my mind for some time now. Beginnings and endings, particularly for important events or seasons in our lives, can happen quickly. The birth of a child, a wedding day, the end of a relationship, the death of a loved one, to name a few. Sometimes, life gives us time to prepare for these moments. Other times, they catch us by surprise. And sometimes, we try to delay the inevitable. But ultimately, we have to move on with our day-to-day, right? I think it was The Rolling Stones who said “time waits for no one”.

I look at this period in California in two halves, both wildly different than each other. Each one lasted about ~1.5 years with a pit stop in Texas squeezed in the middle. So really, I have four beginnings and endings to touch on.

I’m going to use a music metaphor (I was an orch dork growing up and played violin) for this reflection. The first half was like the first and second segments (called movements) of a symphony. First movements are generally filled with excitement and drama, while second movements are slow, foreboding, and somber. The second half has shaped up to be like a third or fourth movement, which are usually characterized by a faster tempo and a bright/triumphant tone. If you have time, give a listen to my favorite piece - Dvorak’s New World Symphony - to get a feel for what I’m describing. The fourth movement is epic (starts at 33:55).

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First Movement (Summer 2020) - Beginning #1

I didn’t have much of a choice when my time in California began. Shortly after getting married, J and I moved to Palo Alto in the middle of the pandemic for her residency program at Stanford. While it was beyond difficult to leave family, I looked forward to building this new life and marriage. I had never lived anywhere other than Texas, so everything felt exciting.

Second Movement (Fall 2021) - Ending #1

I won’t go into the details since there are/will be other posts that touch on this time, but riding shotgun to the end of a marriage is a suffocating ordeal. Mainly, I felt alone, angry, and scared. Each day passed at a glacial pace. Somber, indeed.

Third Movement (August 2022) - Beginning #2

After a multi-month stay in Texas, I moved back to the Bay and lived with close friends from college (+2 cute pups). The year we spent together was transformative and healing for me as the house we shared life together in became my home. Plus, it was FUN! We cooked meals together, exercised, played video and board games, and shared raw, honest conversations. The dark veil that covered my psyche and soul slowly began to lift, bit by bit, inch by inch.

We called ourselves the Calibears, named after a gaming cafe in South Bay. Game of choice, you may be asking? League of Legends (I’m a mediocre Cho’Gath main).

Stewie (left) and Duckie (right) - they are the bestest boys :’)

Fourth Movement (February 2024) - Ending #2

With how ending #1 transpired, I’ve worked hard to make sure ending #2 goes smoothly in other parts of my life. In resigning from my job, I gave my manager a month's notice and provided transparency about my reasons for leaving. To cherish moments with my friends, I organized meals and trips to spend quality time together. And in my moments of introspection, I found myself confronting probing and challenging questions. Here are some snippets from my inner monologues over the past several months:

• Coming back to California after separating from J was difficult, but at the time, I set goals to build a life for myself, make meaningful friendships, and develop my own career. Check, check, and check. What’s left for me here?

• I’m not sure if this is the right industry for me (wealth management). While I enjoyed working at my firm and bonded with several coworkers who will be lifelong friends, do I love the work itself? What am I passionate about? What demographic do I want to serve?

• I could be content continuing my day-to-day routine, but it feels like I’m going through the motions. How do I break free of that cycle? How do I take back control of the narrative of my own story, instead of feeling like a spectator watching the days pass by?

• The pain of the divorce still lingers, though it has dulled. What are concrete steps I can take to continue the healing process?

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These thoughts have all culminated in a two-part plan. Call this beginning #3, a new symphony altogether, and the start of a new age 💜:

1. Quitting my job (✔️), and moving back to Dallas to spend time with family for a couple of months (in progress!).

2. Embarking on an around-the-world trip for 12+ months. Details to come in the next post!